Seeking Employment

Tell us a little about yourself:

I am a marginally superior or inferior clone of you, depending on which theoretical economic superstructure you cling to like a barnacle. I was etched from the deep cerulean shades where nightmares meet dreams in the vaginal caverns of Mother Earth.

Uh, okay…

So, where do you see yourself in five years?

Time is a figment of our narrow rectilinear consciousness. As such, I would imagine myself in a minutely smaller facsimile of myself, like a copy of a copy, slowly deteriorating in image quality, yet with a wisdom set that has begun to expand ever closer towards the threshold of infinity.

Ah. Alrighty…In that case, what do you feel you could bring to this company?

This physical shell is generally irrelevant in the grand design of the cosmos–depending upon whether you’re of the ilk who buys into the “Intelligent Design” postulate.

As such, certain masculine elements in my psycho-sexual life feel that my generation of a physical form of capital would aid us in “keeping a roof above our heads.”

Hence, I’ll provide you with my shell, and you’ll provide me with shelter–in that somewhat limited fashion, anyway.

Well, there’s no guarantee that we’ll hire…

Would showing more of my corporeal curvature aid in my employability? At least that’s what my skin-suited companion said. I’m not sure whether he was “joshing” me or not.

He or she was joshing you. That’s not really appropriate for this…

I see. In that case, please ignore my faux pas.

Uh, sure. Last one: If hired, what invaluable service could you provide for our organization?

Nothing beyond the coaxial search for higher comprehension that all lifeforms seek before withering into mulch and rejoining the electrochemical eddies of the cosmos.

Okie dokey, then. Well, we’ve got a few more applicants to talk to yet. We’ll be in touch if we find they you meet our needs.

Just an addendum: my cellular device was disconnected due to gross negligence on my behalf. Mostly because I find these simplistic forms of communication hollow in the long run.

Nice meeting you, Katie. Have a good one.

…eh, sure.


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