Telephone

Ginnie Lee sent a DM to Carlie on FB and by the end of the day, we all knew Sarah Jean was preggers. Trouble is, Sarah Jean didn’t know nothin’ about no bun in the oven. So I asked Carlie, and she told me Dakota Snelling swears up and down Main Street’s neon beer signs and church steeples she caught a Snapchat post from Candy Melcher saying her old FWB Lukas was shacked up with that “big-titty blonde slut Sarah Jean” — but she didn’t have no proof cause the goddamn things disappear after a spell.

Course Sarah Jean weren’t takin’ none of Candy’s bullshit – pardon my French. Hoppin’ on Twitter, she rooted through days’ worth of 140 character assassinations and found a message from Candy to @LukasDupree — stickin’ out like a sore thumb — accusin’ him of sextin’ ’round with Sarah Jean.

Even tho Sarah Jean swears to hell and high water she weren’t never even tryin’ to get with Lukas, Olivia Duprey posted a blurry selfie on ‘Gram which had an accidental photobomb of Sarah Jean huggin’ up on him after the Toppin’ Tigers game last Friday. When Cammie Sue saw their pic, she figured them two were buildin’ a little love nest out back of the bleachers. But Sarah Jean fought back on FB sayin’ she never did nothin’ but give him a squeeze — cuz they’re like two peas in a pod clingin’ to a fishing wire trellis on a steamy August day.

Shit really hit the fan when Cammie Sue shared Olivia’s selfie with Lee Anne, who pinned it to Caramel Loren’s Toppin’ Tigers Memory Board. And that’s when Gina Lynn’s cousin Daisy saw the pic an’ texted it to her boyfriend. Course he has to go blabbin’ to his friends that the photobomb of Sarah Jean and Lukas was actually a still from a sexy Periscope. So her boyfriend’s BFF Aaron’s girlfriend Kelly told Ginnie Lee that Sarah Jean missed her period — which was true, but not cuz of a baby bump. She told me an Lacey Carmichael she weren’t bleedin’ because she was on a vegan cleanse like Kim K does sometimes.

Spose I should’a put a stop to it, but you know how these things are. I didn’t think nothin’ of it. Just so much more troll food.

Anyway, ‘course Sarah Jean got hoppin’ mad like a frog on a hot spit and unfriended Ginnie Lee and Candy and Dakota and Lacey an’ me — even tho I ain’t had nothin’ to do with any of it. Every time I try to message her on FB, she don’t even holler back. I mean, it ain’t like I started some flame war on her YouTube. Hell, I weren’t even at the game that night cuz Popop grounded me for stayin’ out past curfew last Saturday. I had to watch me the live feed of the game on KTNY’s site.

Now Sarah Jean don’t even bother returnin’ my texts or nothin’. I didn’t know what to do, so I told mama about how Sarah Jean’s bein’ so mean to me — since we been friends before we were Facebook friends. Before we could even text. Mama says I gotta over to Sarah Jean’s house and talk to her all “real world-like,” but I dunno. Seems easier to jus’ keep messagin’ her until she hits me back.

Mama was real mad, tho. She took away my phone an’ my tablet an’ my laptop so I can’t even check my likes on ‘Gram or nothin’. Guess I might could head over to Sarah Jean’s house. Hope she don’t troll my FB full’a hate before I can git back in her good graces (or at least I can git back online to refute ’em). Hate to mess up all them years of bein’ friends for nothin’.

“Real world-like,” huh. She-it. Hope this works.

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